Ask, and you shall receive! Y’all have been asking for your very own Broom of Doom to keep you safe from trolls, and I have heard your cries. I am happy to announce this special limited edition Broom of Doom magic kit to help protect against trolls and their evil ways.
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This kit includes a sterling silver necklace with a broom pendant, a magic wizards bag to keep your broom safe from harm, and a storybook page telling the legend of the broom itself.
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The broom of doom began as a photo of myself holding a kitchen broom, ready to sweep the trolls away. This image has now become a standard for whenever fuckery is afoot! Now you can have your very own to take with you wherever you go.
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These are limited edition, and so do not wait!
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Each kit comes in a vintage envelope and includes the following:
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One 18” sterling silver necklace and broom pendant
One magic wizard's charm bag
One storybook parchment telling the Legend of the Broom of Doom
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The storybook parchment reads as follows:
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The Legend of the Broom of Doom
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It was dark times, and trolls were dominating the World Wide Web with their Pepe memes. Wild doges were pillaging the land, gnawing the bones of the innocent. There seemed to be no hope in sight. The people were looking for a hero. They cried out in unison, “Where have all the good men gone, and where are all the gods? Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?”
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These hymns fell on the ears of a powerful cleric who had been deposed to the hills. As he looked down on the suffering of those below, he wondered if it might be he who could end the suffering. He stepped down from his perch and wandered through the village. A gruff voice emerged from under a bridge, “Why do you still call yourself Father!?” the figure screamed. The cleric raised his eyebrow and turned, holding a common house broom, and said, “If you don’t like it, you can call me Daddy.” With this, he swept the bridge clean, and the troll ran toward him. Yet, before the troll could reach the cleric, he smashed the block button with the broom, and the troll disappeared.
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The people of the village cheered, and the cleric promised them, “I am never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you, never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.”
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Then, another voice rose up from under the bridge, saying, “I’ll take things that never happened for $500, Alex.” With this, the cleric knew his work was not done but had only just begun. So he broke the broom into a thousand silver pieces, giving a miniature silver broom to each of the villagers to wear around their necks so that they, too, could defeat the trolls… together.
NOTE: By purchasing this item you understand that you are buying from a small business and not Amazon. You are agreeing that you know this is a pre-order and all items are custom made. Please allow 3-4 weeks for delivery on this item as each item will have to be made by a real human that has feelings and also needs days off and stuff. If you try and get a refund of this item because “it took too long” a screenshot of this will be sent when you dispute the item. No, not a lot of people do this but just enough that this warning is on the bottom of the page. All rules are written because someone tried something once.